Wholly strange and new

Written by Kirri White.  Follow me on twitter or facebook.

You can also contact me by email –  kirri@happymumsathome.com

This post is part of the #trust30 writing initiative, inspired by Ralph Waldo Emersons “Self-reliance” that encourages you to look within and trust yourself.

You can find further details regarding the challenge here.

Writing prompt by Author: Bridget Pilloud

Can you remember a moment in your life when you had life in yourself and it was wholly strange and new? Can you remember the moment when you stopped walking a path of someone else, and started cutting your own?

These days were decidedly fun yet predictable.  Dad would ask me what kind of fish I wanted for dinner and proudly present me with the juiciest mangoes from his favourite local market.  Security was rent-free, endless weekends of partying and beach time.

A job I never took seriously and sunshine on tap.

This Gold Coast girl was living large and running with the pack.  Keeping the shadowy whispers at bay by weekly shopping trips and life on the glitter strip.

Two weeks after an “Are you ok?” talk with dad, I found myself walking down a completely strange and wholly new, smog filled street in a very foreign country.  A place that I had fleetingly decided to call home for the next year – Pyon-chong-dong, Kyung-Ki-do, Anyang, South Korea.

Distracted by hunger, I meandered the streets concerned by the fact that I couldn’t speak one word of Korean.  For some reason I thought there would be subtitles…just for me, you know?

I couldn’t order from a menu and I so did not recognize any of the packaged goods in the stores!

Was that a bottle of water or vodka??   Hot and spicy noodles or a cup full of worms?

What the hell had I gotten myself into?

My self-consciousness was compounded by the fact that Korean people of all ages were staring at me, some even pausing to get a really good look, giggle, or ask me for my “famous” picture.

I felt awkward and as conspicuous as a palm tree planted outside Buckingham Palace.

I was a little bit lost, had no way to recognise landmarks or interpret signs without ‘proper’ letters, did not know how to ask for directions or help and…. I also had a class of Korean schoolies to observe in 20 minutes.

The snow – a further companion to my foreignness, heightened my self-awareness and I felt certain that I was about to have a full-blown panic attack.

I had left my dad, my home and country, was single, alone and a complete and utter stranger in this alien land.

A mad adventure and new friends?  An opportunity to learn spliced with a hint of challenge?

The anxiety slowly melted from my limbs as something inside me connected with that stroke of freedom.

A discernible grin spread across my freshly chapped lips…one that suggested just a hint of my awakened spirit inside.

Wholly strange and new? Bring it on.

~Kirri

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Surprising myself…

Written by Kirri White.  Follow me on twitter or facebook.

You can also contact me by email –  kirri@happymumsathome.com

This post is part of the #trust30 writing initiative, inspired by Ralph Waldo Emersons “Self-reliance” that encourages you to look within and trust yourself.

You can find further details regarding the challenge here.

Writing prompt by Author Ashley Ambirge

Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself.  How will you surprise yourself this week?

At university, I was always one of the stragglers when it came to handing in essays and assignments. Up all night the day before it was due, usually rushing to see my lecturer paper-in-hand, five minutes before deadline.

I wasn’t a lazy-ass, I was a perfectionist, and would pore over papers laboriously, changing and editing for days until somehow it went back to resembling what I initially wrote in the first three hours.

I surprised myself again and again by actually managing to hand any work in!

It was a painful, frustrating process and led to a lot of self-doubt as I compared myself unfavourably to my peers, who somehow managed to complete work in half the time I did.  I think I spent most of my time in the Masters programme, feeling like an undeserving fraud, waiting for someone to tap me on the shoulder and gently usher me to the door.

I still struggle with ‘perfectitis’ and no where is it more evident than when it comes to writing. I have been writing secretly for years but only started publicly blogging in January.  My posts have been sporadic.  The creativity is there, but my inner critic is always stifling it, questioning it and rearranging its apparent shoddy composition.

I usually work on a post for an entire week before I find it worthy enough to be released.

So, why did I agree to join a challenge that required writing every day??

That’s where the surprise arrives…not completely unexpected but definitely welcome.

I have been almost writing every day and I have boldly or blithely hit the publish button with no dire consequences….yay!

Sometimes I enjoy what I have written and hope that others gain some value from it. Other times I remain dissatisfied  but I have surrendered to the process, surprised myself and have to say….it feels liberating!

My aim for the week and beyond…to keep writing and to keep surprising myself.

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson